Breaking Down Love

Love. The word love has riddled so many. On one hand, love is a simple four-letter word, L-O-V-E, on the other, love has been the demise of many. Mother Teresa was quoted as saying, “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.” Yes, love is a simple four-letter word, but man, is it way complicated: breaking down love. What is love? In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Apostle Paul writes, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” Scripture preserves this passage and transcends time but, I question, is love more simple?

To my five-year old daughter who is in kindergarten, love is so rudimentary. My daughter told me one night as I was tucking her in, “Daddy, God loves me and I love everyone.” I was completely stunned by her powerful words. “God loves me and I love everyone.” It is so simple, so innocent, yet so poignant. Around the same time, I was in the middle of reading A Course In Miracles. The book reads, “God is love. We were created in His image which means that we are extensions of His love.” I repeat, God is love. We are created in His image which means that we are extensions of His love. Those words mirror what my five-year old daughter said, “God loves me and I love everyone.” Breaking down love 2At such a young age she has captured the essence of A Course In Miracles, a book that many people read; a practice that many people try to implement in their adult lives.

In a quest to break down love, I made it a point to study my daughter. I love the way she treats everyone she meets as a friend. Her loving energy radiates as she smiles from ear to ear as she reaches out her hand in search of someone to play with. A Course In Miracle states, “When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself. For in him you will find yourself or lose yourself.” My daughter treats every encounter as a holy encounter. She finds joy in meeting someone new and most of the time receives the same affection of love in return.

My daughter has no prejudices and plays with anyone who shows any willingness to play. She has not developed the many veils we gain as adults. She allows love to immediately enter her life because she truly wants it.

I break down love to its basic form: God is love. Because God is Love, Love is in me. Because I am a glorious child of God, I am joyful, serene, positive, and loving. Many people fail to understand the simplicity of love. Recognize, that those who have no love have little faith in themselves because they are unwilling to accept the fact that perfect love is in them, in you, and in me. As you start your Valentine’s Day weekend, I encourage you to make “God is love” a mantra and remember the inherent ease of love; love broken down and dissected, through the eyes of a 5-year old: love is a miracle, not because love is rare, but because Love is divine, from Him.

John 4:24 How To Handle Crazy

January 23, 2016, marked the first full moon of 2016. I wanted to write you to warn you of the many werewolves, crazies, and zombies you may see tomorrow [insert Michael Jackson’s Thriller]. Ha. john 4 part 2On a serious note though, I have noticed the amount of fear people are harboring these days. I am not sure if the full moon is to blame, or the passionate, sensational political season, or the recent depraved acts committed by humans against humans and animals alike flooding our headlines, radio, and T.V. Regardless of the source, fear appears to be the present energy.

Early in my spiritual journey I found myself often tired and fatigued way before bedtime. The best way to convey how my body felt is a combination of mental fog, hangover-like tiredness, mixed with a little runner’s high serum. In addition to my crazy body reactions, I realized that I could feel the energy, the common sentiment, around me. I am empathic.

As I grow and mature my mediumship, I have learned the importance of prayer, meditation, and setting boundaries. For anyone knowingly or unknowingly starting their spiritual path, please note that the veil between this world and the spiritual realm becomes thinner. As the veil becomes thinner, learn to protect and ground yourself. I acknowledge there is bad in the world but I have learned not to fall prey to it. From the first vile acts reported in Genesis, Cain against Abel, to the unimaginable killing of children ordered by King Herod as chronicled in Exodus, bad has and will always be part of our human experience.

Below are tips and prayers I incorporate to help protect and ground myself:

  • Daily prayers and meditating (this is what I usually say in my moment of prayer)
    • AM:
      God, thank you for being with me today. Thank you for surrounding me with your love and your white light God; allowing only love, joy, happiness, laughter, and abundance in my life and rebuking anything else that doesn’t serve me, Lord, seen or unseen. Thank you for not allowing any one to bother me during the hours of 8-5 while I am at work. Thank you for giving me guidance and direction to navigate my spiritual growth as I learn I am in control of when people come through.
    • PM:
      Thank you Lord for this wonderful day. Thank you for the many blessings in my life. I thank you for giving me clarity on my gifts and life purpose. Thank you for keeping all spirits at bay while I sleep. I allow only divine messages through my dreams; only messages from You and Your Angels, God. Thank you for making me in control of my gifts, God, and I welcome your will for me, Lord.
  • Limit the amount of news you watch. Yellow journalism swings both ways. Remember the purpose of sensational journalism is to arouse, ignite fear, and perpetuate panic and anxiety. In lieu of watching the news, I read headlines, news blurbs, and iPhone News which condenses news to a few lines. I attempt to be current in world affairs while being conscience on not engulfing myself in news.
  • Learn to shut it off. When I do a reading, I imagine a window with a sign. I flip the sign to “open” to let those on the other side I am open for channeling messages. Likewise, I flip it to close when I am done. I am in control. [Insert Janet Jackson’s In Control]. I recommend you try something similar to shut off the white noise, the copious amounts of tasks, to-dos, emails, etc. occupying your mind.
  • Take salt baths. It does wonders when trying to shake off bad vibes and helps replenish your soul.
  • Eat sage (an herb) or burn dry sage in your living space. I pray and ask God to clear the space around me as I walk around with lighted dry sage.
  • When you shower, imagine God’s white light pouring on you. Imagine His pure love washing down on you. After you do this a few times, I swear you will start to feel His love.
  • Learn to not get involved in other people’s drama. This one was especially hard. The peacemaker inside me wants to fix people’s issues for the sake of calming the tension I feel around a particular situation. As a friend, I sought to help and inevitably frequently plagued with unintended consequences. Remember, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
  • Learn to distinguish the difference between ego, and intuition. Remember ego is fear-based and nags as long as you feed it. It is those insecurities you have speaking loud and clear. Intuition is restrained and often a fleeting thought or feeling.
  • Meditate

john 4 part 3To conclude, in Scripture, John 4:24, we know “God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in Spirit and Truth”. To me, the truth is there is good and bad in the world. I know God is Spirit. I pray, meditate, and have faith that His grace is with me and allows only love, joy, happiness, laughter, and abundance in my life and shuts the door to any werewolves, crazies, and zombies.

2015 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,900 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 32 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Merry Christmas

Arch Angel Gabriel tells Mary, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people” (Luke 2:10). Mary’s Annunciation, Angel Gabriel, and the three wise men that carried myrrh, frankincense, and gold across many miles to baby Jesus have long fascinated me. Merry Christmas 3As a Mexican Catholic by tradition, the nativity scene is emblazoned in my mind from a young age. One good Posada with the long walk and the repeating prayers and songs will make anyone versed in the Annunciation and the nativity scene. Merry Christmas 4Fast forward approximately 2015 years. Is it strange to think of Angels, Mother Mary, and Jesus outside the Bible? Is it strange to think of Angels, Mother Mary, and Jesus as nondenominational? Before I embraced my ability as a medium, I too thought it was crazy, heresy, blasphemous, and anomalous to think of such things outside of Christianity. As a Christian, on this special time when I celebrate the birth of Jesus, I give thanks to The Lord for the ability to deliver messages from Mother Mary and Arch Angel Gabriel to Christians and non-believers alike.

How is that possible you may ask? Honestly I do not know how it is possible. I just know that it happens. Apostle Paul sums it up perfectly for me in 1 Corinthian 12:7 when he says, “To each person has been given the ability to manifest the Spirit for the common good.” I have learned not to question it, but rather to lead by faith and just deliver messages.

Are you having a baby, trying to have a baby, had a miscarriage, or questioning your motherhood/fatherhood? Most likely Mother Mary is with you and will make a guest appearance, chime in, and impart sage advice. In my sessions, I feel her presence. Merry Christmas 2To me, Mother Mary feels like my mother: nurturing, loving, assertive, but kind. She smells like roses and spring. Also, she looks like a soft pink hue. I do not see her face per se, I feel, smell, and have learned to associate soft pink hue to Mother Mary. From time to time, Mother Mary will appear as a silhouette in my mind’s eye.

On my 20-minute drive to a client’s house, I suddenly felt Mother Mary’s presence and instantly knew the session would center on a child. I knock on my client’s door, I sit down, and within a couple of minutes I validate my client’s repeated failed attempts to conceive. I share with my client that Mother Mary is partnering with her grandmother to make her desires for mothering a child possible. Although this client is not Catholic or religious, she welcomes the message with no hang ups.  She is a non-believer client that believes in the message. On this day, my client had three special guests appear: her grandmother, Mother Mary, and Arch Angel Gabriel. Most often, Mother Mary and Gabriel are a packaged deal; a divine pair.

Arch Angel Gabriel means “Messenger of God”. My wife and I named our son after Angel Gabriel because we love the Annunciation story, not realizing the meaning behind the name. From Luke1:13-16, we know that Gabriel also appeared to Zechariah to announce the birth of John the Baptist (Jesus’ cousin). Like Mother Mary, he is present when a pregnancy is in the air. Gabriel is the messenger of God and often makes cameos in my sessions to those who have a message to deliver like artists, writers, singers, composers, photographers, painters etc.

The first time I realized that Angel Gabriel was with me was at a wedding. After a few drinks and a long night of celebrating a beautiful wedding, I felt a faint pressure on my chest. This pressure was different as typically, the pain is heavy and almost suffocating-like for those loved ones who have passed who try to get my attention. To me, Angel Gabriel looks and feels feminine, soft, and warm. He smells like moments before a rain storm, and looks like a gentle pale white flickering light. Merry Christmas 5At the wedding, I was left alone with a friend. I shared with her that she was expecting, it would be a girl, and that Angel Gabriel was with her. Thankfully, my friend did not slap me or abruptly walk away from the conversation; rather she proceeded to share her dreams of having a baby girl. Not to my surprise, ten months later she was blessed with a healthy, baby girl.

After the first encounter with Angel Gabriel, he has been with me to deliver messages to friends and family who haven’t figured out their life purpose, who have a book to write, or have a song to compose. Most recently, I had the honor to do a reading for my sister. She lives in El Salvador. We did not grow up together, but we share an unconditional love that binds us. Before the reading, I saw the white flickering lights that I associate with Angel Gabriel. Although her grandfather was the person I was channeling at the time, Angel Gabriel took a few minutes to make his cue. He showed me a blank book and words being typed. I immediately told her, “You have a book to write. In fact, the book is almost finished in your mind already; however, you are delaying putting it on paper.” The message deeply resonated with her. This time, her grandfather and Angel Gabriel were partnering to nudge her to publish her book. My sister was in awe that I was able to reach in her mind and heart and pull out her strongest desires of publishing a book.

On this Christmas holiday do not be afraid. Please know that The Lord and His Angels bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Tis the season of giving and for that reason, I share nuggets of wise advice from private sessions I have held. I know The Lord and His Army of Angels want you to have self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and to be happy.

Self-compassion: love yourself. Do not be harsh if you forget your lap top at home causing you to be late to work. Do not beat yourself for enjoying delicious food with friends and family. Make time for yourself. Luke 5:16 describes Jesus withdrawing himself in the wilderness to pray and be alone. Keep it New Testament style and make time for yourself. In this world of chaos, time-is-money mentality, process improvements and efficiency, time is against us when we permit it. Always remember we are created in His image. Anyone who is a parent knows how defeated you feel when you witness your children being overly critical over their appearance or other short comings. As parents we just want to absorb all their insecurities and show them their true worth. Remember that next time you’re beating yourself up. We are all His children.

Self-forgiveness: forgive yourself for what you did or did not do. In the eve of my mother’s passing, I prayed and mediated for forgiveness. In my mind, I asked God to forgive me for all my transgressions against my mother and I asked my mother to forgive me the many times I fell short in her eyes. It was one of my most cathartic experiences ever. How can you love anyone else if you do not love yourself? Part of learning to love yourself is learning to live guilt free. As a Christian, know that Jesus died for your sins. He carried that cross for you to love yourself.

Be happy: find out what makes you happy. Soon after you define and implement what makes you happy, passion and abundance will ensue. I graduated college in 2003. In 2014 I finally discovered what makes me happy, my passion, and my life purpose. I have always been great at my job, over excelling, and promoting quickly within any organization that I worked. My jobs have always been lackluster, though. I was driven by money and a title, but never really found peace at work. On April 18, 2015, I published my first blog about my gift. For the first time in my life, I can say I am truly all around happy with myself. I love my wife and children, I enjoy my work, and I dedicate time to fuel my soul by meeting with clients and channeling messages from their passed loved ones and Angels.

“For to us a child is born. To us a son is given and the government will be his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” Isaiah 9:6

Holiday Reflection

“We were poor but we had love. That’s the one thing that [momma] made sure of.” Loretta Lynn’s lyrics hypnotize me. It is Black Friday and North Texas’ first freeze. I fail to keep up with the conversation over dinner at Babe’s Chicken Dinner House. My senses are on overdrive. The crispy, double fried chicken thigh and buttery mashed potatoes and flashbacks of my past dominate my sensory motherboard. My Past plays in my mind. The Present enjoys dinner with my family which includes my father from Nevada and sister from El Salvador. On this holiday season, my Future affirms my children will not know the plight of a “miner’s wage,” thanks to momma’s hard work.

Holiday Reflection 1

“Momma loved and raised [four] kids on a [seamstress’] pay.” As a child, we never celebrated Thanksgiving. For my brothers and me, it was a break from school. My momma worked and usually only had Thanksgiving Day off. “I seen her fingers bleed, to complain there was no need.” Yes, I recall seeing my mom’s finger bleed through the gauze as she described a sewing needle piercing her thumb. She never complained as she drifts to sleep to start all over tomorrow morning. Spirit plays this moment just minutes after I complain about Wal-Mart’s ridiculous Black Friday crowd. After I make the connection that I should be gracious for this moment, in my mind, “she smiles in mommy’s understanding way.”

“In the summertime we didn’t have shoes to wear but in the wintertime we’d all get a brand new pair.” Christmas was always bitter sweet. To me, this season was bitter because I never had the opportunity to believe in Santa Claus. After a few disappointing Christmases, I was conditioned not to believe in Santa Claus against all earnest attempts of the contrary. Jesus’ birth was sweet because of non-profit organizations such as the Salvation Army and King’s Daughters. God blessed me with loving teachers. My Kindergarten teacher is my hero. She blessed our family with memorable Christmas: shoes, clothes, Christmas Tree, and a toy. I know momma worked hard to pay the bills and maintain our livelihood. Momma’s love prevailed over the poverty. I knew the trailer we lived in was no mansion, but somehow I was fulfilled. I was once a Salvation Army Angel, and I know the Lord blessed me with many Angels throughout my life.

“Well, a lot of things have changed since way back then.” “Yes they have,” I quietly thank God. My wife and I made a life for ourselves. By the grace of God, hard work that I learned from my momma, and education, I am prepared to give my children a life my momma and I always wanted. The glass of Malbec is empty. I pour one more glass and enjoy this humbling holiday reflection as the song continues to play, “and it’s so good to be back home again. Not much left but the floors, nothing lives here anymore, except the memories of a coal miner’s daughter.”

#22

Monday, November 2, 2015

It’s a beautiful day, mid 70’s, sunny. I reach for my sunglasses as I start my commute back home. As I commonly due, I thank the Lord for a productive day at work and a safe trip home. After my prayer, my mind drifts to my mom. “Wow, it’s been almost a month since she has passed.” It does not feel like it, but my iPhone calendar confirms it is November 2, 2015. At a stop light on the corner of Hulen and Bellaire Drive in Fort Worth, the scene of my mom smiling while in the hospital plays in my mind. My eyes wonder to the license plate in front of me XXX-3322. As this moment computes in my mind that I just saw 22 while thinking about mom, my ears simultaneously tune to the radio. Adele’s hauntingly beautiful lyrics, “Hello from the other side” ring through my ears and sends chills up and down my spine. Wow, that was a loud “hello” from mom. Spirit is amazing as tears bubble.

Although I have not channeled my mom since her passing, I feel her presence around me daily. Today, I now surrender to the notion of channeling my mother and give thanks for the signs she leaves me. I feel her when I run Trinity Trail, I feel her when I drive home, I feel her when I am eating, I even feel her at night when I wake up suddenly randomly at 3:33AM. The Lord has blessed me with the ability to hone in on signs and I am relishing in it big time!

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Sunday, September 27, 2015

My night’s sleep was interrupted by an early-morning phone call from my brother. “Mom is in the ER,” he said. Those words cause immediate worse-case scenario thoughts as I struggle to open my eyes. By around 8AM that morning, I was in the operating room translating for my mom. “Mom, you need to sign these forms to have the surgery to correct the perforations in your stomach,” I translated. Indeed, the Stage IV Gastrointestinal cancer reared its ugly head after being dormant for the last two years. The cancer had eaten the walls in mom’s stomach. After a few hours in surgery, the General Doctor’s reports were very optimistic. Mom was recovering in ICU Room #22.

Room #22, “That’s funny,” I thought. “Why am I seeing #22, or #222 a lot lately?” As I waited for her to recover, the number 22 spun a movie in my third eye. “The number 22 is fitting at this exact moment.” Two of her sons are in the Texas area and two of her sons are in Mexico. Four sons separated by a border created by the Rio Grande River, but bonded by mother’s love.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Mom’s sole sibling came to visit her today. Mom was surprisingly better. My uncle talked to her in a way that only an older brother could; in a loving yet direct way. If it were not for my uncle, there is no way we could have completed a Living Will and a DNR. It was awesome to see mom in such good spirits, especially when I told her mother, my abuela had told me, “It is not yet her time.”

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

My wife and I got her to sign the finalized Living Will and DNR. On our way out of the hospital, we ran into the Oncologist and General Doctor. “We recommend hospice. At this point the cancer will continue to perforate her stomach.” Those words were a sucker punch to the gut as I immediately thought about abuela and her time at hospice care. “She lived only three days after she arrived home,” is all I could think. My future was suddenly rattled. But wait, abuela told me it was not her time yet?

I went home to eat dinner. I desperately needed normality. I needed my children and wife to feel grounded. Tears covered my face at the thought of not having mom around. I rushed out of my house after dinner and bathing the kids. I wanted to say good night to my mom on last time before visiting hours were enforced. My mind was inundated with haunting thoughts. I was in no condition to drive. I did not leave my subdivision before I got into a wreck. Admittedly, I ran into a silver truck. It was my fault. “What does 22 mean?” “Why do I keep seeing it?” I thought as I heeded God’s warning to slow down and ground myself. I researched the numbers 22, 222 for the first time and I found out in Angel numbers it means, “Keep the Faith.”

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Thursday, October 1, 2015

I woke up to see #22 on my fridge formed by plastic magnets. “Ha,” I thought, “My kids must have been playing with magnets, but thank you Lord for the reminder to keep my faith.”

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Friday, October 2, 2015

It was my youngest child’s birthday today. My mom secretly wished to be better by this weekend. She told me earlier in the week that she wanted all birthdays to proceed as planned and to bring her a piece of cake.

After dinner and a small celebration with my wife and children at home, I spent the night with mom at the hospital. Little did I know it would be the last night I would be with her. I took my laptop with me. It was my time to ask her questions. Around 9PM, I pulled out my laptop. I told her I was writing a book titled, To The Most Influential Woman in My Life Who I Barely Knew. She laughed. A part of me knew she wasn’t going to share much. What she did share though, those golden nuggets of information, I will forever treasure.

Friday night was horrible. It was the first time that I had seen her hallucinate. The pain medication made her afraid of the nurses and she described seeing “people” steal her medicine. If the side effects were not bad enough, she yanked the IVs off the machine and was refusing any more drugs. For the second time in my life, mom was a vulnerable child.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

As a family, we all decided home hospice was the best option. Luckily, a good friend is a hospice nurse and gave us additional information regarding hospice options. That day, I decided to take Day 1 of watching mom. “Someone is required to be with her 24 hours a day,” was the instruction we received. A hospice nurse or assistant would be there once a day to change her gauze and check vitals. The night before, I prayed for a 24-hour nurse to be alongside my mom. I know my weaknesses and I struggled with the idea of changing her diaper, gauze, etc.

Monday, October 5 2015

On my way to mom’s small house, I stopped by the Dollar General to pick up last-minute essentials. I bought trash bags, bed liners, sheets, throw blankets, pillows, diapers, gloves, air freshener. I prayed, “God you know me better than I. I am of your service. Thank you for giving me the strength and knowledge to be there for my mother. Thank you for the endurance and alertness to be 100% for my mother.” The hospice transport delivered mom at 11AM. Between me, my brother, stepfather, wife, and sister-in-law, we made great efforts to make her home pleasant, stocked with her favorite foods, and comfortable.

Immediately after the hospice drivers drove off mom asked me to look for her blue purse. After a couple failed attempts at locating the correct blue purse, I found it. She instructed me to get $200 out of her purse. She made it very clear. The money was for her grandchildren with birthdays in October. At that moment, I was a deer in headlights. As the sun set on her life, she was still concerned more about her family than she was about herself. Her selflessness shot through me and left an indelible mark on my soul. “In my death bed, I want to be thinking of others just like she,” I thought.

At noon I heard a knock on the door. To our surprise, it was a hospice nurse who informed us that a nurse would be with mom 24 hours a day. “Wow!” I humbly thanked the Lord for answering my prayers. My children and wife came over Monday night. The life a child brings in somber moments will always astound me. For a few hours, mom was healthy and normal; she was laughing, telling jokes, eating, and loving on her grandchildren. “Thank you Lord for this moment,” I prayed on my home that night.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

In my dream, mom visited me. She was healthy and in her 30’s. She did not say much, but somehow I felt everything she ever wanted to tell me. “Keep your faith.”

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Mom passed away at 2:22PM surrounded by her family and friends; just the way she would have wanted. This was her time.

Friday, October 9, 2015

The funeral service was the outlet I needed to shed tears and mourn the passing of my mother. I am forever grateful to those friends who sent flowers and made it to the service to honor my mom.

October 11 – 17, 2015, Zacatecas, Mexico

This trip was a pilgrimage back to mom’s home town. For the first time, all brothers were together. I felt mom everywhere.

October 21, 2015

Tomorrow will be tough for me. Mom was always the first one to wish me happy birthday. No matter where I was living, she made it a point to call me first thing in the morning.

October 22, 2015

While the kids were getting ready for school, I opened my birthday card my wife left me the night before. Included in my birthday card was a lottery ticket. My eyes zoom directly to the bottom, right-hand side. Is that the number 22? “Holy crap it is!” “Thank you mom, I knew you would somehow manage to wish me happy birthday first thing in the morning!”

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For lunch I stopped at Fuzzy’s Tacos before my appointment with a tattoo artist. I did not know where to sit. I let myself be guided by Spirit. As I took a bit of my taco, I looked up and I saw the number 22 directly in front of me. “Holy crap, thanks mom for having lunch with me”! I was stunned and thankful for this moment.

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For obvious reasons I got a 22 tatted on my arm. I am keeping my faith and mom close to me.

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What if another realm moved through you?

This Is Actually Happening is a podcast on misfitrad.io that is dedicated to capturing “first-person stories that explores what happens when everything changes.” Over the summer I had the opportunity to interview with Whit Missildine PhD. It was pleasure to share my experience with him and now you.

http://misfitrad.io/happening/63

Enjoy!