Ode to my mother, Mary

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” Maya Angelou’s words ring as true today as they did growing up. My earliest memories are not of Disneyland, carnival rides, soccer practices, or extravagant birthday parties. Contrary, my earliest memories are of darkness. I cannot remember which came first, the time I hid under my bed and urinated on myself or the time I saw my mother’s battered face against a tree: the mix of blood and tree bark was not found on the color wheel shown to me in pre-kindergarten the day before. As a child, I was conditioned to automatically fear my alcoholic father.  Others did not need to influence me. His actions directly manifested my conditioning. Such as the universe works in mysterious ways to balance darkness and light, my mother was the loving superhero that quickly recovered and comforted her boys. As my childhood memories flow through my consciousness a sweet smell is stamped on every memory picture. I note that the smell of fresh red and pink roses moments before a rainstorm and a Texas spring have always been present.

My mother had the strength and assertiveness of a man. Like Hulk Smash, she quickly morphed into my superhero when she needed to protect her boys or herself from abusive men. I vividly remember the moment I felt the urge to check in with my mother after hours of playing down the street with my brothers and friends. At the age of 13 I knew to follow my intuition. A hint of the reoccurring sweet smell of a Texas spring accentuated my intuition. I walked in the house just in time to see my mother raise an iron skillet behind the wooden kitchen table turned on its side. It was evident that the kitchen table served as an Aegeus shield for my mother. imageI witness my superhero in action. That night after the cops where called and after being displaced to a friend’s house, my loving mother comforted my brothers and me as we feel asleep to her repeating affirmation, “We will be alright. Everything will be ok.”

For the majority of my life my mother was a single parent. On Father’s Day, my brothers and I made it a point to buy our mother flowers and a card. Oddly enough, Hallmark did not carry a card that conveyed, “Happy Father’s Day to the Best Mother in The World.” I guess single parenting was not common enough to warrant a section for mothers who acted as both parents. We recognized her struggles to maintain a house and raise three crazy boys. My mother embodied both father and mother, masculine and feminine, and strength and love. “I don’t need a father,” I found myself sharing my sentiment to anyone that would care to listen.

As my childhood catches up to the present, I know now the importance that Mother Mary has played in my life. She has accompanied me all these years. Mother Mary, like my mother, is very loving, kind, nurturing, feminine, and at the same time, masculine and assertive. My religion taught me to pray to God, Jesus, Mother Mary, and to any saint. imageAs a catholic I am comfortable invoking saints and Mother Mary when as needed. I do ultimately pray to one, supreme, heavenly Father, but Mother Mary is the one that visits me in my dreams. She comforted me the many nights I feared being abducted by my father. She assuaged my nightmares and dried my tears with love and grace. She was present when I managed depression caused by years of molestation and caused my hands to steer left seconds before contemplating driving into a light post on I35 South. Most importantly though, I now know she has been my intuition.

The day before my mother passed to be with her Heavenly Father I prayed and meditated. I am a believer that our loved ones need to hear “I forgive you” or “please forgive me for” so they can cross stripped of any guilt or rancor they may harbor. In that hour of meditation, I told my mother everything she needed to hear.  “Mom, I forgive you for not being there to prevent my being molested. I forgive you for not seeing the signs to put a stop to it. I forgive you for not being my superhero in this one situation in my life.” Similarly I asked for forgiveness. “Please forgive me for not visiting you as much as we both would have liked. Please forgive me for sponsoring my father to become a US Citizen against your wishes. Please forgive me for the moments I did not meet your expectations as a son.” I concluded my monologue with, “I thank you for being the center of my universe, and I thank you for being the best mother and father. I love you unconditionally and I cannot wait to get to know you better from the other side. I welcome you to all aspects of my life and eagerly anticipate sharing my spiritual development with you and your assistance.” My mediation was cathartic. It was a lifetime of therapy sessions condensed in a power hour; a divinely induced energy release.imageThis moment was an ode to my mother. As I started to ground myself from my meditative state, a silhouette of Mother Mary appeared in my mind’s eye. A fragrant smell of roses moments before the rain validated the importance of this special moment.

John 4:24 How To Handle Crazy

January 23, 2016, marked the first full moon of 2016. I wanted to write you to warn you of the many werewolves, crazies, and zombies you may see tomorrow [insert Michael Jackson’s Thriller]. Ha. john 4 part 2On a serious note though, I have noticed the amount of fear people are harboring these days. I am not sure if the full moon is to blame, or the passionate, sensational political season, or the recent depraved acts committed by humans against humans and animals alike flooding our headlines, radio, and T.V. Regardless of the source, fear appears to be the present energy.

Early in my spiritual journey I found myself often tired and fatigued way before bedtime. The best way to convey how my body felt is a combination of mental fog, hangover-like tiredness, mixed with a little runner’s high serum. In addition to my crazy body reactions, I realized that I could feel the energy, the common sentiment, around me. I am empathic.

As I grow and mature my mediumship, I have learned the importance of prayer, meditation, and setting boundaries. For anyone knowingly or unknowingly starting their spiritual path, please note that the veil between this world and the spiritual realm becomes thinner. As the veil becomes thinner, learn to protect and ground yourself. I acknowledge there is bad in the world but I have learned not to fall prey to it. From the first vile acts reported in Genesis, Cain against Abel, to the unimaginable killing of children ordered by King Herod as chronicled in Exodus, bad has and will always be part of our human experience.

Below are tips and prayers I incorporate to help protect and ground myself:

  • Daily prayers and meditating (this is what I usually say in my moment of prayer)
    • AM:
      God, thank you for being with me today. Thank you for surrounding me with your love and your white light God; allowing only love, joy, happiness, laughter, and abundance in my life and rebuking anything else that doesn’t serve me, Lord, seen or unseen. Thank you for not allowing any one to bother me during the hours of 8-5 while I am at work. Thank you for giving me guidance and direction to navigate my spiritual growth as I learn I am in control of when people come through.
    • PM:
      Thank you Lord for this wonderful day. Thank you for the many blessings in my life. I thank you for giving me clarity on my gifts and life purpose. Thank you for keeping all spirits at bay while I sleep. I allow only divine messages through my dreams; only messages from You and Your Angels, God. Thank you for making me in control of my gifts, God, and I welcome your will for me, Lord.
  • Limit the amount of news you watch. Yellow journalism swings both ways. Remember the purpose of sensational journalism is to arouse, ignite fear, and perpetuate panic and anxiety. In lieu of watching the news, I read headlines, news blurbs, and iPhone News which condenses news to a few lines. I attempt to be current in world affairs while being conscience on not engulfing myself in news.
  • Learn to shut it off. When I do a reading, I imagine a window with a sign. I flip the sign to “open” to let those on the other side I am open for channeling messages. Likewise, I flip it to close when I am done. I am in control. [Insert Janet Jackson’s In Control]. I recommend you try something similar to shut off the white noise, the copious amounts of tasks, to-dos, emails, etc. occupying your mind.
  • Take salt baths. It does wonders when trying to shake off bad vibes and helps replenish your soul.
  • Eat sage (an herb) or burn dry sage in your living space. I pray and ask God to clear the space around me as I walk around with lighted dry sage.
  • When you shower, imagine God’s white light pouring on you. Imagine His pure love washing down on you. After you do this a few times, I swear you will start to feel His love.
  • Learn to not get involved in other people’s drama. This one was especially hard. The peacemaker inside me wants to fix people’s issues for the sake of calming the tension I feel around a particular situation. As a friend, I sought to help and inevitably frequently plagued with unintended consequences. Remember, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
  • Learn to distinguish the difference between ego, and intuition. Remember ego is fear-based and nags as long as you feed it. It is those insecurities you have speaking loud and clear. Intuition is restrained and often a fleeting thought or feeling.
  • Meditate

john 4 part 3To conclude, in Scripture, John 4:24, we know “God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in Spirit and Truth”. To me, the truth is there is good and bad in the world. I know God is Spirit. I pray, meditate, and have faith that His grace is with me and allows only love, joy, happiness, laughter, and abundance in my life and shuts the door to any werewolves, crazies, and zombies.

Merry Christmas

Arch Angel Gabriel tells Mary, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people” (Luke 2:10). Mary’s Annunciation, Angel Gabriel, and the three wise men that carried myrrh, frankincense, and gold across many miles to baby Jesus have long fascinated me. Merry Christmas 3As a Mexican Catholic by tradition, the nativity scene is emblazoned in my mind from a young age. One good Posada with the long walk and the repeating prayers and songs will make anyone versed in the Annunciation and the nativity scene. Merry Christmas 4Fast forward approximately 2015 years. Is it strange to think of Angels, Mother Mary, and Jesus outside the Bible? Is it strange to think of Angels, Mother Mary, and Jesus as nondenominational? Before I embraced my ability as a medium, I too thought it was crazy, heresy, blasphemous, and anomalous to think of such things outside of Christianity. As a Christian, on this special time when I celebrate the birth of Jesus, I give thanks to The Lord for the ability to deliver messages from Mother Mary and Arch Angel Gabriel to Christians and non-believers alike.

How is that possible you may ask? Honestly I do not know how it is possible. I just know that it happens. Apostle Paul sums it up perfectly for me in 1 Corinthian 12:7 when he says, “To each person has been given the ability to manifest the Spirit for the common good.” I have learned not to question it, but rather to lead by faith and just deliver messages.

Are you having a baby, trying to have a baby, had a miscarriage, or questioning your motherhood/fatherhood? Most likely Mother Mary is with you and will make a guest appearance, chime in, and impart sage advice. In my sessions, I feel her presence. Merry Christmas 2To me, Mother Mary feels like my mother: nurturing, loving, assertive, but kind. She smells like roses and spring. Also, she looks like a soft pink hue. I do not see her face per se, I feel, smell, and have learned to associate soft pink hue to Mother Mary. From time to time, Mother Mary will appear as a silhouette in my mind’s eye.

On my 20-minute drive to a client’s house, I suddenly felt Mother Mary’s presence and instantly knew the session would center on a child. I knock on my client’s door, I sit down, and within a couple of minutes I validate my client’s repeated failed attempts to conceive. I share with my client that Mother Mary is partnering with her grandmother to make her desires for mothering a child possible. Although this client is not Catholic or religious, she welcomes the message with no hang ups.  She is a non-believer client that believes in the message. On this day, my client had three special guests appear: her grandmother, Mother Mary, and Arch Angel Gabriel. Most often, Mother Mary and Gabriel are a packaged deal; a divine pair.

Arch Angel Gabriel means “Messenger of God”. My wife and I named our son after Angel Gabriel because we love the Annunciation story, not realizing the meaning behind the name. From Luke1:13-16, we know that Gabriel also appeared to Zechariah to announce the birth of John the Baptist (Jesus’ cousin). Like Mother Mary, he is present when a pregnancy is in the air. Gabriel is the messenger of God and often makes cameos in my sessions to those who have a message to deliver like artists, writers, singers, composers, photographers, painters etc.

The first time I realized that Angel Gabriel was with me was at a wedding. After a few drinks and a long night of celebrating a beautiful wedding, I felt a faint pressure on my chest. This pressure was different as typically, the pain is heavy and almost suffocating-like for those loved ones who have passed who try to get my attention. To me, Angel Gabriel looks and feels feminine, soft, and warm. He smells like moments before a rain storm, and looks like a gentle pale white flickering light. Merry Christmas 5At the wedding, I was left alone with a friend. I shared with her that she was expecting, it would be a girl, and that Angel Gabriel was with her. Thankfully, my friend did not slap me or abruptly walk away from the conversation; rather she proceeded to share her dreams of having a baby girl. Not to my surprise, ten months later she was blessed with a healthy, baby girl.

After the first encounter with Angel Gabriel, he has been with me to deliver messages to friends and family who haven’t figured out their life purpose, who have a book to write, or have a song to compose. Most recently, I had the honor to do a reading for my sister. She lives in El Salvador. We did not grow up together, but we share an unconditional love that binds us. Before the reading, I saw the white flickering lights that I associate with Angel Gabriel. Although her grandfather was the person I was channeling at the time, Angel Gabriel took a few minutes to make his cue. He showed me a blank book and words being typed. I immediately told her, “You have a book to write. In fact, the book is almost finished in your mind already; however, you are delaying putting it on paper.” The message deeply resonated with her. This time, her grandfather and Angel Gabriel were partnering to nudge her to publish her book. My sister was in awe that I was able to reach in her mind and heart and pull out her strongest desires of publishing a book.

On this Christmas holiday do not be afraid. Please know that The Lord and His Angels bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Tis the season of giving and for that reason, I share nuggets of wise advice from private sessions I have held. I know The Lord and His Army of Angels want you to have self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and to be happy.

Self-compassion: love yourself. Do not be harsh if you forget your lap top at home causing you to be late to work. Do not beat yourself for enjoying delicious food with friends and family. Make time for yourself. Luke 5:16 describes Jesus withdrawing himself in the wilderness to pray and be alone. Keep it New Testament style and make time for yourself. In this world of chaos, time-is-money mentality, process improvements and efficiency, time is against us when we permit it. Always remember we are created in His image. Anyone who is a parent knows how defeated you feel when you witness your children being overly critical over their appearance or other short comings. As parents we just want to absorb all their insecurities and show them their true worth. Remember that next time you’re beating yourself up. We are all His children.

Self-forgiveness: forgive yourself for what you did or did not do. In the eve of my mother’s passing, I prayed and mediated for forgiveness. In my mind, I asked God to forgive me for all my transgressions against my mother and I asked my mother to forgive me the many times I fell short in her eyes. It was one of my most cathartic experiences ever. How can you love anyone else if you do not love yourself? Part of learning to love yourself is learning to live guilt free. As a Christian, know that Jesus died for your sins. He carried that cross for you to love yourself.

Be happy: find out what makes you happy. Soon after you define and implement what makes you happy, passion and abundance will ensue. I graduated college in 2003. In 2014 I finally discovered what makes me happy, my passion, and my life purpose. I have always been great at my job, over excelling, and promoting quickly within any organization that I worked. My jobs have always been lackluster, though. I was driven by money and a title, but never really found peace at work. On April 18, 2015, I published my first blog about my gift. For the first time in my life, I can say I am truly all around happy with myself. I love my wife and children, I enjoy my work, and I dedicate time to fuel my soul by meeting with clients and channeling messages from their passed loved ones and Angels.

“For to us a child is born. To us a son is given and the government will be his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” Isaiah 9:6

Timeless

I set my iPhone alarm for 6:00 AM. Like others, I rely on my iPhone to keep me on track throughout the day. I know I have to leave the house by 7:20 AM to arrive at work at 7:55 AM. My work schedule is usually predetermined days before today. At 5:00 PM I shut down my computer and leave work to pick up my kids from daycare. I arrive at daycare at 5:35 PM, just to get home in time for dinner, playtime, showers, and then it is bedtime around 11:00 PM. As a father, husband, and employee, I am constantly conscious of my To-Do List and mentally check off those completed items. A whirlwind occurs which slams Mondays into Fridays. I get a much-needed reprieve on Saturdays, just to spend Sundays preparing to do it all over again. As I hone my mediumship and with every new encounter, Spirit reveals enough for me to conclude that time on Earth is different from those on the other side; timeless. “How so?” you may ask.

Think of a traffic reporter in his helicopter (Spirit) and the driver (us on Earth) on a congested I-35N. The traffic reporter can recognize an accident long before you and I do. To the driver, the future is five minutes down the road. On the other hand, to the traffic reporter, your future is his present. As a driver you have the option to tune in to your favorite radio station or review google traffic map and get a glimpse of what is ahead of you. Similar to google traffic maps or traffic reports on the radio to inform you of trouble areas, loved ones who have passed and Angels continuously send us signs and nudges to help guide us.

For this blog, I received consent from a client and friend to share their experience to highlight how time is different on the other side.

Client Anonymous, April 9, 2015

My client validated the person who I was feeling, hearing, and seeing was her grandfather. At 9:28 PM all of a sudden I saw AA batteries. I recalled my days as an HEB General Merchandise stocker: boxes and boxes of AA batteries stacked on top each other. At that moment, my client did not make a connection.

Timeless 1.At 9:50 PM my client experienced an amazing validation from her grandfather.

Timeless 2In this case, 22 minutes separated present and future for my client. For her grandfather though, 22 minutes was all in the same: it was all in present time. It was the traffic reporter who spotted the wreck off I-20 and I-35 N long before the commuter headed south.

Friend Ileana C., April 30, 2015

I had the privilege to channel her paternal grandmother, Abuelita. This was the first time that the entire session was in the future (Earth time). At this point my concept of time was limited. After an hour of talking with Ileana, I could sense Ileana was not completely sold on my reading. It was the weeks after our session that really confirmed Abuelita was with Ileana and her family.

As I started the reading, Abuelita placed a big blue, purple butterfly in my face. It was front and center of my mind’s eye.  Like a kid proudly showing off his painting to his parent, I could clairsentiently tell Abuelita was excited to talk with Ileana. At that moment, Ileana was not able to immediately make a connection. Ileana admitted that she associated yellow Monarchs with Abuelita; however, the blue and purple was something new. “No problem, I am sure you it will make sense later,” I repeated throughout our session.

On May 1, I received a heartfelt “thank you” from Ileana. After our session she opened her Facebook and her Feed showed the below picture: a big blue and purple butterfly. In this case, Abuelita merged present and future. For Ileana seeing this picture validated our reading. To me, it again highlighted that present and future were minutes apart.

The following example left me completely awestruck. During our session, Ileana asked a personal question regarding the past. Abuelita showed me something completely unrelated to her question. Reflecting back to our session, Abuelita was completely in control and I should have known better. Abuelita showed me a round, wooden table and a wall covered in mounted deer-like animals with horns. Abuelita allowed me to smell and feel the wooden table. Anytime Spirit channels seemingly minor details such as the smell of a wooden table, I know it is somehow important. An overwhelming sense of happiness hit my heart and flooded my blood with endorphins. I got the sense Abuelita was around at that exact time; laughing and enjoying her family. I explained what I saw. Ileana admitted it did not really compute. It did not at all relate to the question Ileana posed. I know now not to question Spirit. I have learned to just translate what I see, hear, and feel regardless if it makes sense to the person in front of me. Wouldn’t you know, Abuelita was more eager to discuss Ileana’s love life and was less concerned about the past?  Abuelita showed me the restaurant that Ileana and her now-boyfriend were dining the following night on May 1, 2015. Ileana sent me this picture that weekend!timeless 4In this case present and future was a day apart. To me though, Abuelita was not only the traffic reporter above. She was simultaneously the police officer directing traffic on the busy highway.  Abuelita sidestepped questions to express how much she approved of Ileana’s date. How freaking cool is that!? It’s almost as if Abuelita played matchmaker:  a date made in Heaven. No pressure on the new boyfriend, eh?

As I continue to refine my mediumship I am confident Spirit will reveal Divine lessons according to His will; according to His time. I am an excited five-year old on Halloween night waiting to eat all the candy at once. Like God, parents teach us patience and dole out nuggets of chocolate and candy to keep us intrigued just enough to be patient: to be timeless.

Below is Time, an excerpt from the book, “Gifts From A Course In Miracles,” by Frances Vaughn and Roger Walsh.  A great friend recommended this book as this blog was in the inception phase. To me, I read this excerpt from the point of view of the traffic reporter. I interpret this passage as what Spirit is trying to tell us here on Earth.

Time and eternity are both in your mind,

and will conflict until you perceive time

solely as a means to regain eternity.

Now is the closest approximation of eternity

that this world offers.

It is in the reality of “now,”

without past or future,

that the beginning of the appreciation

of eternity lies.

For only “now” is here.

Look lovingly upon the present,

for it holds the only things that are forever true.

All healing lies within it.

When you have learned to look on everyone

with no reference at all to the past,

either his or yours as you perceive it,

you will be able to learn from what you see now.

To be born again is to let the past go,

and look without condemnation upon the present.

The present is before time was,

and will be when time is no more.

In it are all things that are eternal,

and they are one.

Fear is not of the present,

But only of the past and future,

which do not exist.

Why wait for Heaven?

It is here today.

Time is the great illusion it is past

or in the future.

Here in the present is the world set free.

For as you let the past be lifted

and release the future from your ancient fears,

you find escape and give it to the world.

What time but now can truth be recognized?

The present is the only time there is.

The past is gone;

the future but imagined.

These concerns are but defenses

against present change.

Bath Time

As I sit behind my Dell computer to type this blog, Rascal Flats lyrics suddenly flood my mind, “God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.” Just as quickly as the lyrics appear in the back of my mind, I innately take it as a sign to share the proceeding blog dedicated to my beautiful wife, Andrea. Thank you for eleven years of marriage. Thank you for my beautiful family. Thank you for sharing this journey called life with me. 

Soap suds cover Gabriel’s tiny body. “Wow, Gabriel is only two and is completely in love with his mother,” I remember thinking as Gabriel shares giggles with his mother. It is bath time. BathTimeAs most parents know, bath time can either be a stressful situation filled with screams and tears, or on occasion, a pleasurable experience between parent and child. This summer night though, God graced me with a tender moment. Lavender suds, squeaky ducks and trucks, rubber letters and numbers cover the bath tub as Gabriel stretches out for his mother.  Gabriel grins. His smile is accentuated by an impeccably placed dimple. His honey-colored eyes radiate the subtle combination of innocence, vulnerability and love that only a child can exude. At this precise moment it all makes sense to me. Time stands still. This moment is a picture. My soul wonders off to the past and ruminates. It hits me. A lightbulb goes off. My son looks up to his mother with the same reverence and love as I have toward my own mother. This indelible moment leaves me humbled as I hold back the tears and shake off goose bumps (read Grounded).

At this precise moment I recall the many fights, tears, nightmares, moments of hiding below beds to avoid my drunken father, and endless prayers to God for a perfect family. My childhood was far from picture perfect. I witnessed my mother beaten against a tree, kicked and punched, choked and strangled, bruised and bloody by the hands of men. Despite the shitty men in our lives my mother remained selflessly committed to giving her children only the best. I revisit the dark valleys of childhood that extended to my teenage years. My years in middle and high school were scared by depraved acts by the hands of a man. As I learned from my mother as a child, I learned to cleverly mask behind my smile. The love my mother gave me, the guidance He provided, this broken road led me straight to Andrea.

At this precise moment I remember the summer of July 1999. After I graduated high school I was committed to leave my hometown, finish my job at HEB, and start my college life with no ties. God had a different plan. That summer of 1999 God ushered Andrea into my life. I was thrown off course; however, for the first time in my life I was excited. Something inside me changed. Admittedly I did not recognize it at the time, but I know now, my soul had met his mate. Just like an Angel tasked to provide guidance, Andrea was there as I professionally and spiritually resolved my inner demons throughout college, marriage, fatherhood and even a vital played a role in reacquainting me with God and Spirit.

At this precise moment bath time becomes a divine classroom. My son’s eyes evoke a beautiful journey of darkness and light. The Master Author can only script such juxtaposition of present and past, of love and fear, of wife and mother and son and deliver it in a way that I process the lesson in a matter of seconds. The soap suds that cover his chin, the lavender smell that conceals the pesty mold on the hard-to-reach corners, and the humidity that suffocates my nostrils form a divine backdrop as I learned His lesson, “Andrea is my mother to my son. Love your wife as you love your mother. You are in the perfect family you yearned and prayed for as a child. Just as you remember how your father treated your mother, your son will recall how you treat his mother.” Time resumes. I quietly turn away as to not interrupt this awesome, innocent mother-son bath time. At this precise moment I.LOVE.BATH.TIME and I am #BeyondThankful

imageIt is all about changing perspective. It is all about being grateful for those little golden treasures that get lost in chaos .It is all about surrendering and releasing your fears to Him.

Grounded

On April 29, 2015, the Oncologist matter-of-factly states, “The bone cancer has gotten worse. The chemotherapy has been fully maximized. I need to look at other options to prevent the cancer from spreading even more.”  Her words reverberate in my ears as I try to find my footing and stay grounded. My mother was diagnosed with G.I. cancer stage IV in December 2013. The G.I. cancer metastasized into her bones, concentrating in her head and chest.  She lies on the examining table and to get clarification in her native tongue, “Qué dice,” she asks me (“What did she say?”) Immediately I go down the negative path; the path that questions His will; the path that cannot fathom a world without her. It is venom that quickly consumes my soul. Everything I am, all that I have become is because of my mother. My prayers are inflated balloons that burst far too soon. I regularly pray, use affirmative prayer, thanking God, angels, abuela, Archangel Rafael to curing my mother’s cancer, for alleviating her pain, and surrounding her in God’s white light. As the poisonous serum quenches my blood, I feel my heart hit my chest wall and my temporal vein throb as a sweat bead glazes over my head. “The majority of my patients in her similar condition don’t last longer than four months, and they certainly do not have the quality of life that your mom has. It is God’s mercy at this point.” I remember even with stage IV cancer, my mother is still vivacious, runs around with the children, attends soccer games, and on rare occasions mentions pain or discomfort. I notice the yellow flower in my mind’s eye, my symbol for abuela, and I noticed a light-green hue around my mother, “Thank you guys,” I whisper. Instantaneously, my anger dissipates. God, abuela, and Archangel Rafael humbled me, planted my feet on solid ground, and refocused me. I am left grounded and at peace.

I am fortunate to recognize the signs that quickly change my perspective on things. We all struggle to see the good amidst the bad. In the darkest of nights, the rainiest of days, we know the sun is out there, but sometimes the darkness seeps into every cell of our body, every follicle of hair, so that we are left blinded by the darkness that we cannot see the sun. God, angles and loved ones who have passed are always there. They are guiding us, protecting us, and sending us unconditional love. Signs exist. Love ones communicate with us.

Recently, I had the opportunity to channel Baby Marie. Client, I will call “Carrie,” approached me to do a reading.  I felt a baby girl came through. She showed me a birthday candle and I heard her name. “Carrie” was able to validate the name and her miscarriage. In her chaos, internal storm, her baby girl was coming through to tell her mother exactly what she needed to hear. She provided reassurance that her current state did not align with her higher self. Baby Marie also reminded her mother of the importance of reconnecting mind, body, and soul. Words that, only when delivered by a loved one on the other side, could penetrate the darkest chasm and provide a ray of light.

Baby1

Baby2

Baby3

Baby4

Loved ones who have passed use many symbols to try to make their presence known. I have a friend who read my blog prior to my debut. I could tell she wanted to ask me about her loved one that passed over. I have felt her relative “knock at my door” but I never answered for the fear of outing myself. My friend told me about her connection with the number 4, and 44. Ever since her relative passed, she has noticed that number follow her. Anytime she is down or unsure on her next steps, she looks up and sees a 44. “It means guardian angels are looking after you. Your relative is following you, guiding you.” I saw an imaginary ton lift from her back and her light bulb turn on. She feels her relative’s presence, recognizes the signs, but was too afraid to accept it. I just merely validated what she has felt all along.

After my mother and I left the hospital, I shared the information I witnessed in the examining room. Her darkness quickly brightens. Although she is aware that abuela (my grandmother and her mother) is with her, she enjoys hearing me confirm it as often as I can. It energizes her. Her happiness oozes out of her soul so much that I feel it. So instead of wallowing in sadness and anticipate death, I commit myself to enjoying the days God blesses us with her; to enjoy more hamburgers, ice cream, tamales, enjoy more moments gathered around her small house, and the endless food she doles out. We leave the hospital, pick up my children, and enjoy a nice lunch and blizzard at Dairy Queen. In this moment, I thank God, abuela, the angels for our impromptu lunch, with my mother. I am grounded and at peace.

Mom

How a Bar Converstation Changed My Life

A guy walks into Applebee’s and finds a spot near me. I was by myself, not because I’m an alcoholic, but because I was on a business trip. The bartender has all ESPN stations, in English and Spanish, playing on each forty-eight inch flat-screen TV. The 2014 World Cup dominated news coverage; however, June 26, 2014, was an especially slow day at the bar in San Antonio, Texas. After one 20oz Shiner Bock down, I ordered a Crown and Coke. A week away from home and a busy work week, I was ready to responsibly relax and walk upstairs to my hotel room. I noticed the gentleman beside me. We each made a polite head gesture to acknowledge one another’s presence and set our territories. By doing so, instinctively we mutually set our boundaries to the bar stool that separated us. In that brief interaction, I noticed his business attire, his exhausted demeanor, and I quietly commiserated on our hectic, work-week away from home. Since I was a child, I just knew things without really knowing why I knew them. Minutes passed, I lost track of time. I texted my wife good night, reviewed my Facebook page, and read work emails. “One last double-shot of Crown and Coke? Sure, why not,” I thought. Suddenly, I felt my chest tighten. “Is it the caffeine? Am I having a stroke,” I questioned. The same guy, one bar stool away, asked me a question. Little did I know at that moment how life-altering our conversation would be; how this bar conversation would change my life.

I asked the gentleman to repeat the question. I was struggling to diagnose the pain in my chest. “Yes, there is a good chance that US will beat Belgium.” He continued to talk about soccer and sports, while I pretended to listen. “Who are you? What is happening,” I asked myself. I felt someone, something near me. I knew it someone trying to connect. At last, my drink arrived. Drink and flight was the response I immediately sought, but for some reason I was compelled to ask him questions. It was time for me to turn my passive listening to active talking.

Instead of asking his name or what he did for a living, I asked him what any normal person would ask, his age. Well, to be more precise, I asked him to confirm his age. I inquired, “Are you 52?” For whatever reason, I was not surprised to hear him confirm his age. Before he could finish processing why I was asking something so personal, I quickly followed up with, “Are you a banker?” Again, he confirmed he was a banker. “Cool,” I said while I paused and took another gulp of my drink. “Are you also known as Miguelito?” At this time, his sun-bathed faced turned pale. He was perplexed beyond description. His face showed deductive reasoning in process. He stammered, “Do we have mutual friends?” I debunked his deduction with a polite, “No.”

I apologized. Although I had enjoyed one too many drinks, I had the foresight to know how bizarre this conversation was going. I sounded crazy. I was merely repeating what I was seeing, feeling, and hearing. I gave Miguel the opportunity to decline, to turn around, and walk away from the schizophrenic, random dude at the bar. I asked three or four times if he was sure he wanted to hear what I was seeing, feeling, and hearing. Secretly, I wanted to stop, but he insisted. He wanted me to continue. I knew I felt a male energy trying to come through. The male energy was painting a picture. I discerned a farm, with a cactus, a little boy with overalls, running, and a green, old truck. He instantly made a connection. He affirmed he had fond memories growing up on his uncle’s farm. Then, the uncle shows me a body outline of an Operations game board (remember the old game?). Everything was blacked out except for the heart. The heart was red, but broken. I asked him, “Did your uncle pass from a heart attack or heart condition”? He quickly finished his beer. I saw sweat beads form just above his eye brow.

Imagine, here I am giving personal details to a random guy at a bar. I had no fears. At no time, did I think Miguel was going to pull out a gun and shoot me or throw me across the bar. I was guided to deliver this message.

Before I continued, I remember saying, “I know, this is totally crazy, I can stop whenever you want me to.” He was adamant. He wanted me to proceed.

Intuitively, I felt bad energy surrounding the farm, and I knew it was connected to a boy. I told him exactly what I felt. At first he did not make a connection. I felt profound regret; a big secret. I repeated what I felt. To my surprise, Miguel divulged that his uncle had two separate families. Just recently, he had met his male cousin. Miguel further added that he did not really intend to start a relationship with his cousin. The uncle made me aware that he wanted his family to accept his other son. I felt how much the uncle wanted a unified family. As I said those words, I saw tears form; I made a grown, random man cry. Never have I ever made a man cry. To undo the tears that I caused, I reassured him everything was going to be OK and summarized the point of his uncle’s message: to embrace his cousin. As soon as I completed that sentence, my chest pain completely dissipated. The energy I felt, the energy that was concentrated on my chest, left. Message delivered.

I got up from the bar; I saw a WF and an 89. I told him what I saw although, it did not make sense. I thought I was finished. I thought the uncle had left. Miguel did not make any immediate connections. What started off as a relaxing night at a bar completely turned my world upside down. The bar conversation altered my course in life. My eyes were unveiled to a world that includes Angels, Spirit Guides, & Mediumship. This blog is intended to share my journey, the books, articles, courses, and resources I researched to understand and grow as an intuitive medium. As for the bar tab, I turned to Miguel and told him my charge for the reading was my bar tab. I shook his hand and walked away thinking, “What the hell? Am I Theresa Caputo?”