What if another realm moved through you?

This Is Actually Happening is a podcast on misfitrad.io that is dedicated to capturing “first-person stories that explores what happens when everything changes.” Over the summer I had the opportunity to interview with Whit Missildine PhD. It was pleasure to share my experience with him and now you.

http://misfitrad.io/happening/63

Enjoy!

#SpeakYourTruth

I caution you, this blog will be a hit or miss for the reader. Either you can totally relate with #SpeakYourTruth or find yourself completely confused.  As a self-diagnosed recovering mute and intuitive medium, I have learned the importance of holding yourself equal to those you serve. If you relate you know exactly what I mean. If you are confused let me explain.

Person A

A bullet-proof glass separates father and children. A short-wired phone acts as a life line for the jail-ridden father, but for the children, it is just another task to complete for the day. The mundane task “See Dad Before He Gets Deported” vexes teenagers who are completely over the insipid excuses of a father’s shortcomings. A simple, “I am sorry, it’s completely my fault that I am behind bars and I recognize all the turmoil I caused,” is the wrecking ball the children need to break down the Great Walls they constructed to insulate themselves from their father. Regrettably, the father cannot #SpeakYourTruth. The father cannot say what I clairsentiently feel in his heart. The father cannot say what I intuitively know he wants to say to make this jail visit worthwhile for his children on the other side of the bullet-proof glass.  Conversely, I feel the gut pain the children feel in that moment: the moment where for the first time you feel powerful and superior to the weaker, vulnerable person behind bars. My brain reverberated and brought me to the day I was on the other side of the bullet-proof glass facing the pedophile who molested me. Like I did at that precise time, I wanted to #SpeakYourTruth, but quietly acquiesced my ego to show respect. It’s crazy what half an inch of glass can do to a person. That half inch of glass can simultaneously be Superman’s Kryptonite and Harry Potter’s protective invisible cloak.

­Person B

A night of celebration fills the air as a perished maternal grandfather comes forth. Person B joined my wife and me for drinks after a rehearsal dinner. #SpeakYourTruth, #SpeakYourTruth echoed in my ear. The maternal grandfather who passed several years ago insisted I repeat those words to his granddaughter with whom I shared drinks. This was my first time meeting Person B. “How can I broach the subject naturally in conversation?” I asked myself and Angels. I felt a gurgling sensation and pain that Person B suffered. Instantly, I felt an affinity toward her. I knew she withheld her feelings for the sake of others. I instinctively knew she was that person people in need first called for a bail out. The tremendous amount of pressure she had undertaken by placating others suffocated me. I felt it all. Surprisingly, her maternal grandfather was the complete opposite. I heard him curse and I felt confident when he came forth. Person B and grandfather were opposites, but grandfather came through as a means to provide guidance and balance. He himself acknowledged his egregious #SpeakYourTruth moments in his lifetime. In fact, he regretted his overactive propensity to #SpeakYourTruth. Living or passed, our shortcomings hinder our present lifetime and turn to regrets when we pass if we do not acknowledge and manage them now.

Person C

A new bride and groom dance the ceremonial first dance as I feel a childhood friend came through for a group of friends. “Please God, if you want me to channel this friend, place me alone with the group,” I pleaded. Inevitably, Sprit accommodated my request. In that private moment, I channelled the group’s childhood friend. The passed loved one came through to acknowledge the broken relationship between mother and Person C (son). Person C could not communicate with his mother and Spirit was fully aware of it. Spirit supplicated that Person C extend an olive branch and talk to his mother. The friend did not want Person C to suffer the pain of regret similar to what Person C felt for not answering his friend’s phone call before he passed. #SpeakYourTruth I heard. The friend came through to encourage Person C to #SpeakYourTruth and make amends with his mother.

I have learned and Spirit shows me that #SpeakYourTruth does not mean being rude, brash, or unloving. #SpeakYourTruth does not mean blatantly casting other people’s feeling aside. #SpeakYourTruth does not mean being disloyal to your partner.

#SpeakYourTruth means saying how you feel in a loving, harmonious way. #SpeakYouTruth means saying, “Yes, thank you, I will take you up on your offer to watch my kids.” #SpeakYourTruth means “No, sorry partner, I prefer you stay home Friday night.” #SpeakYourTruth is telling your parent, “I appreciate your eagerness to help me, but I will let you know when I need your help.” #SpeakYouTruth means saying, “Your action hurt me and I know you care for me, but I want you to know how your actions make me feel.”

Speaking your truth is way easier said than done. I realize this. For a long time I quietly subsided my feelings for the sake of pleasing others. Often times I found myself inadvertently hurting others by trying to placate others. I became a master juggler with a plastered smile. I managed everyone’s feelings while neglecting my own.

For a long time I suffered from stomach pains and acne. I easily absorbed the energy of those around me. True in the past and present, I can walk into a room and automatically feel the energy that blankets the entire room. If the energy was heavy or if there was a fight, I innately made it a point to resolve the conflict even when the fight did not involve me. The persistent stomach ailments led to an appendectomy at the age of 27. With the help of Spirit, at the age of 32, did I finally learn the important lesson of #SpeakYourTruth. It is vital to align your chakras, especially your solar plexus chakra that governs your stomach (see link). As self-diagnosed recovering mute medium, I am learning how to master the art of being true to myself while aligning to God’s will: how to balance masculine and feminine energy, how to intertwine Ying and Yang. To many of you, this blog is irrelevant. To some it will strongly resonate. We have this life. We must live it to the fullest. A vital tool to living life to the fullest is #SpeakYourTruth (read the following book).

Timeless

I set my iPhone alarm for 6:00 AM. Like others, I rely on my iPhone to keep me on track throughout the day. I know I have to leave the house by 7:20 AM to arrive at work at 7:55 AM. My work schedule is usually predetermined days before today. At 5:00 PM I shut down my computer and leave work to pick up my kids from daycare. I arrive at daycare at 5:35 PM, just to get home in time for dinner, playtime, showers, and then it is bedtime around 11:00 PM. As a father, husband, and employee, I am constantly conscious of my To-Do List and mentally check off those completed items. A whirlwind occurs which slams Mondays into Fridays. I get a much-needed reprieve on Saturdays, just to spend Sundays preparing to do it all over again. As I hone my mediumship and with every new encounter, Spirit reveals enough for me to conclude that time on Earth is different from those on the other side; timeless. “How so?” you may ask.

Think of a traffic reporter in his helicopter (Spirit) and the driver (us on Earth) on a congested I-35N. The traffic reporter can recognize an accident long before you and I do. To the driver, the future is five minutes down the road. On the other hand, to the traffic reporter, your future is his present. As a driver you have the option to tune in to your favorite radio station or review google traffic map and get a glimpse of what is ahead of you. Similar to google traffic maps or traffic reports on the radio to inform you of trouble areas, loved ones who have passed and Angels continuously send us signs and nudges to help guide us.

For this blog, I received consent from a client and friend to share their experience to highlight how time is different on the other side.

Client Anonymous, April 9, 2015

My client validated the person who I was feeling, hearing, and seeing was her grandfather. At 9:28 PM all of a sudden I saw AA batteries. I recalled my days as an HEB General Merchandise stocker: boxes and boxes of AA batteries stacked on top each other. At that moment, my client did not make a connection.

Timeless 1.At 9:50 PM my client experienced an amazing validation from her grandfather.

Timeless 2In this case, 22 minutes separated present and future for my client. For her grandfather though, 22 minutes was all in the same: it was all in present time. It was the traffic reporter who spotted the wreck off I-20 and I-35 N long before the commuter headed south.

Friend Ileana C., April 30, 2015

I had the privilege to channel her paternal grandmother, Abuelita. This was the first time that the entire session was in the future (Earth time). At this point my concept of time was limited. After an hour of talking with Ileana, I could sense Ileana was not completely sold on my reading. It was the weeks after our session that really confirmed Abuelita was with Ileana and her family.

As I started the reading, Abuelita placed a big blue, purple butterfly in my face. It was front and center of my mind’s eye.  Like a kid proudly showing off his painting to his parent, I could clairsentiently tell Abuelita was excited to talk with Ileana. At that moment, Ileana was not able to immediately make a connection. Ileana admitted that she associated yellow Monarchs with Abuelita; however, the blue and purple was something new. “No problem, I am sure you it will make sense later,” I repeated throughout our session.

On May 1, I received a heartfelt “thank you” from Ileana. After our session she opened her Facebook and her Feed showed the below picture: a big blue and purple butterfly. In this case, Abuelita merged present and future. For Ileana seeing this picture validated our reading. To me, it again highlighted that present and future were minutes apart.

The following example left me completely awestruck. During our session, Ileana asked a personal question regarding the past. Abuelita showed me something completely unrelated to her question. Reflecting back to our session, Abuelita was completely in control and I should have known better. Abuelita showed me a round, wooden table and a wall covered in mounted deer-like animals with horns. Abuelita allowed me to smell and feel the wooden table. Anytime Spirit channels seemingly minor details such as the smell of a wooden table, I know it is somehow important. An overwhelming sense of happiness hit my heart and flooded my blood with endorphins. I got the sense Abuelita was around at that exact time; laughing and enjoying her family. I explained what I saw. Ileana admitted it did not really compute. It did not at all relate to the question Ileana posed. I know now not to question Spirit. I have learned to just translate what I see, hear, and feel regardless if it makes sense to the person in front of me. Wouldn’t you know, Abuelita was more eager to discuss Ileana’s love life and was less concerned about the past?  Abuelita showed me the restaurant that Ileana and her now-boyfriend were dining the following night on May 1, 2015. Ileana sent me this picture that weekend!timeless 4In this case present and future was a day apart. To me though, Abuelita was not only the traffic reporter above. She was simultaneously the police officer directing traffic on the busy highway.  Abuelita sidestepped questions to express how much she approved of Ileana’s date. How freaking cool is that!? It’s almost as if Abuelita played matchmaker:  a date made in Heaven. No pressure on the new boyfriend, eh?

As I continue to refine my mediumship I am confident Spirit will reveal Divine lessons according to His will; according to His time. I am an excited five-year old on Halloween night waiting to eat all the candy at once. Like God, parents teach us patience and dole out nuggets of chocolate and candy to keep us intrigued just enough to be patient: to be timeless.

Below is Time, an excerpt from the book, “Gifts From A Course In Miracles,” by Frances Vaughn and Roger Walsh.  A great friend recommended this book as this blog was in the inception phase. To me, I read this excerpt from the point of view of the traffic reporter. I interpret this passage as what Spirit is trying to tell us here on Earth.

Time and eternity are both in your mind,

and will conflict until you perceive time

solely as a means to regain eternity.

Now is the closest approximation of eternity

that this world offers.

It is in the reality of “now,”

without past or future,

that the beginning of the appreciation

of eternity lies.

For only “now” is here.

Look lovingly upon the present,

for it holds the only things that are forever true.

All healing lies within it.

When you have learned to look on everyone

with no reference at all to the past,

either his or yours as you perceive it,

you will be able to learn from what you see now.

To be born again is to let the past go,

and look without condemnation upon the present.

The present is before time was,

and will be when time is no more.

In it are all things that are eternal,

and they are one.

Fear is not of the present,

But only of the past and future,

which do not exist.

Why wait for Heaven?

It is here today.

Time is the great illusion it is past

or in the future.

Here in the present is the world set free.

For as you let the past be lifted

and release the future from your ancient fears,

you find escape and give it to the world.

What time but now can truth be recognized?

The present is the only time there is.

The past is gone;

the future but imagined.

These concerns are but defenses

against present change.

Bath Time

As I sit behind my Dell computer to type this blog, Rascal Flats lyrics suddenly flood my mind, “God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.” Just as quickly as the lyrics appear in the back of my mind, I innately take it as a sign to share the proceeding blog dedicated to my beautiful wife, Andrea. Thank you for eleven years of marriage. Thank you for my beautiful family. Thank you for sharing this journey called life with me. 

Soap suds cover Gabriel’s tiny body. “Wow, Gabriel is only two and is completely in love with his mother,” I remember thinking as Gabriel shares giggles with his mother. It is bath time. BathTimeAs most parents know, bath time can either be a stressful situation filled with screams and tears, or on occasion, a pleasurable experience between parent and child. This summer night though, God graced me with a tender moment. Lavender suds, squeaky ducks and trucks, rubber letters and numbers cover the bath tub as Gabriel stretches out for his mother.  Gabriel grins. His smile is accentuated by an impeccably placed dimple. His honey-colored eyes radiate the subtle combination of innocence, vulnerability and love that only a child can exude. At this precise moment it all makes sense to me. Time stands still. This moment is a picture. My soul wonders off to the past and ruminates. It hits me. A lightbulb goes off. My son looks up to his mother with the same reverence and love as I have toward my own mother. This indelible moment leaves me humbled as I hold back the tears and shake off goose bumps (read Grounded).

At this precise moment I recall the many fights, tears, nightmares, moments of hiding below beds to avoid my drunken father, and endless prayers to God for a perfect family. My childhood was far from picture perfect. I witnessed my mother beaten against a tree, kicked and punched, choked and strangled, bruised and bloody by the hands of men. Despite the shitty men in our lives my mother remained selflessly committed to giving her children only the best. I revisit the dark valleys of childhood that extended to my teenage years. My years in middle and high school were scared by depraved acts by the hands of a man. As I learned from my mother as a child, I learned to cleverly mask behind my smile. The love my mother gave me, the guidance He provided, this broken road led me straight to Andrea.

At this precise moment I remember the summer of July 1999. After I graduated high school I was committed to leave my hometown, finish my job at HEB, and start my college life with no ties. God had a different plan. That summer of 1999 God ushered Andrea into my life. I was thrown off course; however, for the first time in my life I was excited. Something inside me changed. Admittedly I did not recognize it at the time, but I know now, my soul had met his mate. Just like an Angel tasked to provide guidance, Andrea was there as I professionally and spiritually resolved my inner demons throughout college, marriage, fatherhood and even a vital played a role in reacquainting me with God and Spirit.

At this precise moment bath time becomes a divine classroom. My son’s eyes evoke a beautiful journey of darkness and light. The Master Author can only script such juxtaposition of present and past, of love and fear, of wife and mother and son and deliver it in a way that I process the lesson in a matter of seconds. The soap suds that cover his chin, the lavender smell that conceals the pesty mold on the hard-to-reach corners, and the humidity that suffocates my nostrils form a divine backdrop as I learned His lesson, “Andrea is my mother to my son. Love your wife as you love your mother. You are in the perfect family you yearned and prayed for as a child. Just as you remember how your father treated your mother, your son will recall how you treat his mother.” Time resumes. I quietly turn away as to not interrupt this awesome, innocent mother-son bath time. At this precise moment I.LOVE.BATH.TIME and I am #BeyondThankful

imageIt is all about changing perspective. It is all about being grateful for those little golden treasures that get lost in chaos .It is all about surrendering and releasing your fears to Him.

To my son, Gideon

What is the happiest you have ever been in your life?  You know, that moment everything around you dissipates, your smile stretches ear to ear, and your gut churns Monarch butterflies. I become myopic and all I see are the results displayed in a holy, blue cross. “Amor, I am pregnant,” Andrea exclaims on September 10, 2009. For the first time in my life, time suspended. Nothing makes sense, but yet oddly enough, I seem to align with an estranged higher self. “I am going to be a dad? I am going to be responsible for another human being?” I repeatedly question myself. A few days after the blissful high, my dreams of fatherhood are suddenly yanked from underneath me. On September 15, 2009, Andrea’s OBGYN delivers the darkest news of my life. “You are having a miscarriage,” as a pool of blood forms at the bottom of the examining table. “You need to go home, rest, and let the process occur naturally. If it makes you feel any better, I have been pregnant seven times and have three beautiful children,” says the OBGYN’s assistant as tears pour down a picture-perfect world Andrea and I have constructed.  We walk out of the OBGYN’s office; a blood trail behind us highlights our exit while a crumpled world ahead looms over our future. “Andrea will be a mortuary and our home a grave for Baby A,” I morbidly think as I mindlessly hand over my credit card to pay the $25 copay.  Then we were on our way to a radiologist for a sonogram.  The results were confirmed, “See the sack?  There is supposed to be a fetal pole in there and I do not see one,” says the technician as we stare blankly at the empty circular blob on the screen.

For a few days, thoughts of a miscarriage dominated our world. We waited three long days for the results of a blood test.  Since it was so early in the pregnancy, the only sure way to confirm was with a blood test.  Despite the bleak results we were initially given, we somehow held onto a glimmer of hope. Blood results were in, Andrea was still pregnant. Contrary to the OBGYN’s early prognosis, on May 23, 2010, God blessed us with a vibrant, rambunctious, and defiant baby girl, Giselle.

Sometime in September 2014, on my lunch hour, a meditation abruptly brought forth a dark past I had locked away in the deepest chasm in my mind. After my meditation, I called Andrea sobbing. Baby A, or Gideon as I later named him, stepped forwarded and made his presence known.

I followed my routine of meditating. I prayed to God, asked for his protection and guidance. I set my intentions to receive any messages from God and His Angels. After five minutes of concentrating on my inhales and exhales, I felt a presence. The presence was new to me. At that time, I had limited exposure to Spirits. After a few minutes of concentrating on the presence, I deduced it was a toddler; a boy. I acknowledged his presence and asked him to step forward. As any other toddler would, Baby A shows off his toys. Suddenly, my mind’s eye is a stage for a Show and Tell. “Wow, you love tyrannosaurus rex uh,” I proclaim as he shoves the dinosaur in my face. I remain grounded and focused on the beautiful moment I am sharing with Baby A. The cacophony of a little boy playing with his dinosaurs is a sweet symphony in my ear. I recall thinking, “Wow, this is the same noise Giselle makes when playing with toys.” After the Show and Tell ends, Baby A jumps on my lap. Yes, you read that correctly, I feel a soul jump on my lap. Innately, I am not frightened. Contrary, I was entranced by this celestial encounter. While Baby A was on my lap and running his hands on my face, an immense sense of love overcomes me. It was not a Cupid-flung arrow kind of love. It was that immense love when a father holds his child for the first time. “Wait, I know you,” I whisper as he showers me with Eskimo kisses. My brain finally syncs to my heart. “Yes, Giselle was to be born alone. One of us had to go. It was her time,” Baby A tells me. A tear runs down my face. I feel a soft, tender kiss as he wraps his hands around me. “I do not want this moment to end. Please suspend time,” I beg God. “It’s Giselle’s turn to be here. I am watching after Giselle and Gabriel. I love you and mommy so much. Please give mommy a big kiss for me,” as Baby A continues. “What is my name? I would love to have a name. What is my name, Daddy?” I reply, “Gideon Aguilar; Gideon, after God’s brave solider.” A barrage of stars, confetti, balloons, hearts, and firecrackers flood my mind’s eye. I felt and saw his excitement after I named him. “Thank you, Daddy. I love it. Please tell mommy, Giselle, and Gabriel about me. I love my family so much. Can I get a Christmas stocking too?” My composure is a covered pan of boiling water. I say, “Of course Gideon. I love you so much.” He gives me a gentle hug and interlaces our fingers together. Unfortunately for me, time is up. My supplication for time suspension is not answered. Gideon’s presence vanishes.

Gideon is very much part of our family.

Gideon’s visit taught me so much. Souls are part of every pregnancy; even as early as five weeks as it was in our case. Although I am not sure specifically at what time a soul enters a body, I speculate it is even before conception. Souls continue to be part of your family. Growing up, Giselle talked to imaginary friends. When she turned two, she became scared of “bad guys” in her room. In that special visit, Gideon validated that he just wanted to play and apologized for scaring her. The connection between you and soul is very much natural and real. Four years after Andrea’s miscarriage, I instinctively recognized Gideon when he jumped on my lap. An ethereal cord connects us to passed-love ones. Souls love to be named and included as family. In my experience, when I give readings, Spirit validates a miscarriage, the souls make it a point to be named and remembered. For those of you who know my children, you may witness Giselle and Gabriel talking about Gideon and how he is in heaven watching them. Also, you may hear them describe their dreams and visits with Gideon. As for Andrea and me, we pray and talk with him often. Although I may not feel Gideon as I did the first time, he definitely leaves a trail of dinosaurs behind to show us he is present.

Tools

After an enlightening bar conversation that changed my life on June 24, 2014, I felt like a walking sponge. In the proceeding weeks, I was unknowingly absorbing energy around me. The energy muddled my mind and engulfed my soul. It was as if an invisible antenna had sprouted, reached up into the heavens, and tuned me into another dimension; a realm vaguely familiar only in my dreams. For the first time, I was seeing (clairvoyance), hearing (clairaudience), and feeling (clairsentience) things that I could not discern. For about two weeks, I struggled to make sense of everything. I was completely drained, exhausted, short-tempered, and had low to no appetite. I self-diagnosed myself as “crazy,” or “schizophrenic.” I did not recognize myself. Normally, I love food and enjoy a stout drink with good friends. For a time though, I could not be around people. This “newness” completely hampered social activities including, but not limited to the following: work, grocery stores, restaurants, malls, and banks. Ashamed, but admittedly so, the “newness” that was consuming my life even hindered my interaction with my children and wife. I was withdrawn from my earthly life as a husband and father. My mind was in the clouds; my feet were off the ground. My body was a zombie and my soul a Chatty Cathy, sparking up conversations with random spirits. I needed help, but had no immediate support.

Below is a reference list of healers, books, authors, YouTube videos, and articles I researched to help reconcile the “newness” I was experiencing. Each played a monumental role by helping me identify my ability, hone and grow into my Mediumship, and learn to master my gift and not allow my gift to master me. This is only a list. Make sure you keep posted, though. I plan on providing detailed testimonials in future blogs.

  • God via prayer and meditation
  • Christine Cappuccino at crystallineconnection.com
  • Spirit Amplifiers Andrea and Amanda
  • Daily Om at DailyOm.com (Become a Spiritual Psychic in 28 Days, Connecting with the Archangels)
  • Gifted: A Guide for Mediums, Psychics and Intuitives, by Lisa Andres
  • Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy’s Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back, by Todd Burpo with Lynn Vincent
  • All things Theresa Caputo, http://www.theresacaputo.com
  • Developing Mediumship with Gordon Smith, by Gordon Smith
  • All things Doreen Virtue, http://www.earthangel.com
  • Psychic Ability Made Simple Series, online course by John Holland
  • Psychic Navigator, by John Holland
  • Hayhouse Radio via hayhouseradio.com
  • Radleigh Valentine on Hayhouse Radio and at http://www.radleighvalentine.com
  • Intuitive Medium Deborah Hanlon on YouTube.com
  • Lisa K., on YouTube.com
  • Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E on YouTube.com
  • Meetup, search for mediumship, channeling, and spiritual practice groups in your area
  • Decoding Deepak, movie written by Gotham Chopra
  • The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne
  • All things about Chakras